But the more I think of living in a first world country, the more I think of the glorious day when I phone to query an electricity bill and someone answers the phone, or I walk down the street without feeling a constant threat to my safety… the more I think about the increased quality of life… the sadder I become.

The thought that keeps harrasing me is… what’s the point?

Where will the challenge be? What will motivate me? What will drive me to contribute to our world? Will living in a semi-nirvana remove from me that ingredient that makes me me? Yes I have considered the possibility that I have just become accustomed (ok maybe brain washed) to this way of life and so like a drug have come to rely on its effects. There is truth in that, but there is more to South Africa than the crime riddled, apathetic outlook that dismays so many of us.

We are highly resourceful, highly optimistic, highly creative… and highly open. Almost every foreigner to visit our land during the world cup commented on this, having travelled the world fairly extensively myself I know this to be true – South Africans are the friendliest and most welcoming nation I have come across. Because we have to live with such difficulties every day, we have found a way to balance the hardship with a deep and genuine love…

We love our land, we love our sport, we love our animals, we love our entrepreneurship, yes we love to complain but only as a means to find a new solution.

But it is the intangibles that is so hard to explain. Africa really does become a part of your soul, the music in our weather, the pride in our wildlife, the connection to the land itself. It’s hard to describe and is probably only felt by those who have lost it.

When I think of myself in Canada safe, comfortable and rested it scares me more than attracts me. The idea that I could eventually find fashion a stimulating conversation makes me want to run to Hilbrow and make friends with a crack dealer. I suppose that is what Africa gives you – realness. You have to be real when faced with the poverty and cruelty that is a daily occurrence.

At the moment I am swelling with pride, South Africa pulled off an awesome world cup and I know we touched the minds and hearts of everyone who visited (ok maybe not the French). Most of our visitors will return to a country where things most likely work, where life is fairly predictable and where they feel most at home. We will continue to push our boundaries, to develop our mixed culture, our self belief and our nation.

Africa is my home, she may wear a harsh face but her beauty is all around us and within us…

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We go through life believing that other people see life as we do, think, act, feel as we do. And the truth is that we don’t, not even close.

It will be a great tool in terms of relationship management both at home and at work, but apart from these practical benefits I’ve gained, I’m beginning to loose hope in humanities eventual enlightenment. Not only do we plow through racial, cultural and religious differences, which we haven’t yet managed to get right, now there is an entire new layer that must be navigated as well.

Imagine that I believed the sky was green, and you believed it was purple. 2 totally different realities but both equally correct – and there are nine of them! No wonder parents get it so wrong, no wonder lovers fight as they do – where’s the bloody handbook!

If nothing else I have gained a new healthy respect for the term ‘diversity’. Quantum theory of parallel universes isn’t so out there, it’s right here on Planet Earth. Billions of people communicating and living with one another and all separated into 9 distinct groups wondering “what the hell is everyone else on about?”

I strongly suggest you read up about the Enneagram… lots to ponder

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Ok I would never give up my independence, ambition, career or – well anything really, I’m rather selfish like that but I do understand her point. Take a typical day in my life. I wake up early, go to gym, rush home, meditate for 15min, shower, check my email while I have breakfast then rush to the office. I get home at about 6ish, spend some time playing with my dogs, have a cup of tea and unless I’m seeing friends I switch my computer on and carry on working to about 10ish… unless I have a deadline which pushes it out a bit later.

The weekend comes and I have to cycle, socialize, catch up on sleep and read (and read some more).

Sounds pretty rushed and it is but I’m content. I know who I am, where I’m going and everything in between… ok most days.

If I lived alone this would be no problem. Living with a partner however brings some difficulties;

“There’s no food”

“Then go shopping”

“I work I don’t have time”

“Um… so do I and I have less time than you do”

Result: We live on Protein Shakes – good for the figure, probably not good long term

“I’ve had a seriously bad day I need to talk”

“I had a worse day I need to talk”

“What about me?”

“What about ME?”

Result: Peace is fleeting and stress is a constant

But if the traditional roles of men and women were in place the above and so much more wouldn’t happen. The home would be taken care of, the office would be taken care of. The stress of one person is not the identical stress of the other and so there is a better coping mechanism in place.

Ok enough of the merits, lets be realistic

What women would be satisfied asking her husband for ‘pocket money’ when she can earn her own and buy better things just because?  What women wants to die of boredom at home when there is a rich and enticing world out there that offers anything she can imagine?

I suppose my personal identity is highly dependent on my achievements so personally speaking I would feel ‘less’ than my husband if I didn’t experience or acheive as much. And sooner or later that husband would think the same, which was the very reason the feminist revolution began in the first place.

If men are out there oggling women in freedom while their female partners are sweating in the kitchen then by god I want to be right there oggling the intern while my fridge sits empty!

I suppose that is what living in a free society means, we are far from creating a new balance of the genders but I believe in the bottom of my red stiletto shoes that we cannot regress into the drastically unbalanced way it was before.

BUT… having said all this, I don’t have kids. If I were to I will probably be the first to take off a year or two, make leisurely meals that I’ll proudly display to my husband. Wake up late and sleep in peace because the only stress I have is… what should we have for dinner tomorrow night?

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Here I am telling my bladder to hurry the f*** up so I can get back to work …what?

Since when does modern day living no longer allow 2 short minutes to comfortably relax whilst visiting the loo? Ok maybe I’m alone in this mildly panicked state but seriously. When I am not speeding up an unspeedable process I take my phone with me so I can beat it at backgammon or try the new app I downloaded. And if by horror I left my phone behind then there’s always the good old magazine – anything to keep your mind busy and working.

Of course this has adverse affects on my highly managed diary. If perchance I happen to get into a game of backgammon this lasts longer than the required time and so I must of course finish the game, which means I am spending yet more time away from work.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this… loosing the ability to smell the roses? Too much on one’s plate? There are a few analogies I could run with but I suspect they won’t be in my favour.

Maybe imagining everyone picturing me on the loo will cure me of this ailment… stay tuned for my new one (the fear of being watched on the toilet)

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How is it possible I ask you that if there is a choice of organic produce one would choose not to buy it? Considering it was my money spent on these erroneous items my irritation turned into anger (ok sitting in a car for that long didn’t help). And then I thought of a recent and very unpleasant realization I had recently; people simply don’t care.

Being in the industry of changing worlds it goes without saying that I am knowledgeable about a lot of things that effect our body and our environment. But still… surely this understanding is more logic based? Surely people with any modicum of education would know the benefits of eating organic food rather than that which is filled with chemicals? The same chemicals that have been proven to cause Cancer, Parkinsons and other modern diseases?

In my down moments I feel a total hopelessness; I watch people throw rubbish out their cars, speak about others in total ignorance, speak about world affairs in total ignorance, fill their trolleys to the brim and then request the same amount of plastic bags to carry their unnecessaries. I used to think it was a matter of education, surely if people knew of a different way their choices would be different?

Sadly I am beginning to think that it is pure laziness. Pollution, radiation, poisoning and everything else is obvious you don’t need to be taught. People would rather just carry on doing what they always have before.

So how do we shift from past destructive practices into the totally logical place of health for self and planet? I’ll have to come back to you on that one… perhaps it is the starfish way… one at a time.

What was the world population again?

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And so with reluctance I went back to a job that actually paid me money instead of me paying for the luxury of working there – just a 3 month contract to top up the coffers and rest my frazzled brain. I went back to my roots and became a Marketing Consultant for a luxury 5 star hotel.

Enter the restaurant: free food, daily buffet’s, unlimited menu, non-existent will power.

Now I must explain my admittedly strict attitude towards food – I am a vegetarian, I eat 5 small meals a day, carbohydrates are devil food and anything with a hint of flavour is off the menu. Then I must explain my legendary self-control, I call it such because for something to become legendary it must also be history i.e. in the past.

It is enormously difficult to maintain any kind of discipline when the most delicious food is literally on tap, when you are surrounded by other guests who are eating their cheat meal – yes I try and blend in and pretend I too am a guest enjoying my meal out. The sad truth is that I maintain this ruse daily. I haven’t weighed myself in years, I now have a scale positioned in my office so I may punish my naughty behavior as often as possible.

Clearly something had to be done and true to style I found a solution… (drum rolls)

Morbid Monday: It is ok to eat a large breakfast and dessert at lunch because lets face it Monday sucks and I need the pick-me-up

Work Tuesday: This is a good day for me as I am back into the swing of things, regretting the previous week’s indulgence and so am able to proudly decline any nefarious offers

Guilt-free Wednesday: It is now the middle of the week and so dessert is allowed without any guilt attached

Guilty Thursday: Having fondly remembered the taste of dessert yesterday it is almost impossible to say no to dessert today. I will happily feel guilty about this

Fat Friday: The calories from Monday are starting to show and so the thinking goes something like this… “well if I ate badly the whole week I might as well not worry about today, and it is Friday”

after all… there’s always next week

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Our world makes escaping into a better realm very appealing; our minds offer no fear, no pain, no suffering – all is as it should be.

It’s taken me up to last week (please don’t make me put my years down in numbers!) to accept this truth about myself – while some people see the world through rose-tinted glasses, I don’t see it at all. I was always aware of my illusionary barrier, I just had no idea of how much it ruled me.

I was still caught in the illusion that my fantasies somehow served me, after all my imagination has fueled my vision, ambition, courage, even my identity. I’ll never forget the first time I picked up a fantasy novel – the magnificent DragonLance, filled with wizards and warriors and worlds circled by 3 moons.  Being only 11yr s old I did not know that I had picked up book number 3 in a 9 book series.

This never deterred me as my imagination filled in the previous 2 novels and off I went. It was the start of a long and faithful affair with fantasy.

This year, being inordinately difficult on every level pushed me to finally confront the fact that I had somehow lost the power in my relationship with fantasy and had become a slave. Ignoring what reality was trying to present me with, forgetting that life experienced in imagination can never compare to what reality can give you

My revelations and new found respect for the ignorance of reality-living has gotten me thinking…

Has our imagination evolved with our reasoning minds? Did early man have such a rich world to retreat to when the going got tough?

Has our evolving imagination birthed the depravities that we witness today, or has the depravity of evolving mankind necessitated the need for a fantasy world to escape to?

We retreat from reality because we can’t face the pain around us and within us until even our safe havens are tainted by the shadow that is our current world.

Do we use the power of our imagination to better influence our world in need?

Or do we find the courage to say good-bye to fantasy and face our world eye to eye and change it where it hurts?

Is it worth closing our eyes to see ourselves sailing on the big blue, the wind in our hair and laughter on our faces… when where we sit not one hair has whispered a movement…

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I eagerly submitted my (admittedly brilliant) idea secure in the knowledge that this great company would recognize the necessity for long term change management and implementation. The 5 top choices where due to be released in Feb 09. It was then pushed out till March. And then… nothing. I sadly gave up the experience to a rather gifted and original thinking scammer.

And then last week – with no bells and whistles (not surprisingly) the results where in. I won’t bother with relaying their choices (see them here) as they are to disappointing to repeat. Let me quickly say something; every cause deserves its recognition, funding and support as we all know there is a lot wrong with our world – but really!

Where is the vision? Where is the bigger picture understanding? Where is the original ‘up yours’ Google ethos? Was the entire exercise merely a way to donate an large amount of money to existing charities? If Google REALLY wanted to create impact that 10 million could have gone a long way. Small projects dotted here and there all over the globe will achieve nothing!

If they would – all the existing projects would have already acheived their goals

They haven’t

We have to work with the cause and not the symptom

So here is my take: I am beginning to think in the world power/Illuminati/ secret order theories because – there is no other explanation! If a company like Google can’t find the balls to tackle our issues then I can’t think of other companies that will. There is obviously a vested interest in maintaining poverty, ignorance and devastation.

I’m about to get into a serious scathing session here so I’d better stop because guaranteed there is a Google Geek monitoring me right now and accessing all my purchase choices, political affiliations, social habits and sleeping schedules. Bloody hell.

Bring back Aristotle, Socrates, Michael Angelo, Einstein – where have all the great thinkers gone?

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4 Days ago my little boy, Ferris was rushed to the hospital after a 2 week illness. That night he was diagnosed with chronic liver failure prognosis not good. I didn’t cry because I refused to consider a reality where he wasn’t with me. He had a biopsy this morning and still the prognosis isn’t good, I still refuse to believe it. I have friends practising reiki, I have scoured the net for alternative remedies, I have even prayed (strange how we non-religious types tend to fall back on that one).

And through this whole nightmare I can’t help feeling grateful that I am in a position to care for him financially. A while back I was in another animal hospital where a well-off looking couple where pleading with the vet to lower their high bills as they could not afford it. So this is how I see it.

We lack responsibility

We have domesticated trillions of animals and have not protected them. We have domesticated the earth and not respected her. We have domesticated women, children and men and not protected them.

In our blind rush to experience our selves and push our heads above those of others we have turned our eyes to what makes us great – our ability to love.

I know the vast majority of us have to turn a blind eye merely to keep our hearts in tact. But the last month of my life has taught me some profound lessons. I tried to live my life through telling others of a better way of living. I tried to change the world by telling it how wrong it all was. I was also blind. I also got lost in the maelstrom of survival.

But it has always been love. If I can love my pets, if I can love those in my life, if I can expand that love just a little bit to those who I share my world with – I can change it, I can keep my heart open, I don’t have to lift my head above but rather be grateful for those around me.

On the way back from the hospital I saw a young man, probably around 17yrs old, walking the streets barefoot, torn shorts, torn shirt… but with a sense of hope and purpose upon his face. I drove past him and felt sadness. And then I turned around and drove to find him. I gave him R200. His pure joy at the unexpected gift, of the simple act of kindness brought tears to my eyes where the thought of loosing Ferris didn’t.

Because… because that is all there is

I love you my baby, the world will be a poorer place without you so keep me rich

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The mind determines what is possible. The Soul surpasses it

Pilar Coolinta

Life Moments

What stops us from living the life that we want? From doing and having what we believe will fulfil us? Most of the time it is limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves. Luckily, beliefs are easy to change but first it is necessary to identify which ones you are holding onto – and why.

That’s an interesting question, if your belief around money for example goes something like “I have to work really hard to have it” then believing that will theoretically keep you working really hard with limited gains. If a part of you knows that this isn’t true, as there are thousands of entrepreneurs in the world to prove it false, then why do you still believe it?

It’s simple – it is safer to stay with what you know than it is to venture into the unknown. When you don’t receive the monetary rewards that you would like you can conveniently (and often unconsciously) blame it on the belief – and often the source that the belief may have stemmed from (parents, environment etc). But what if you were to step out of your own box and start to believe something different, something empowering, something that helps you live the life you want?

That would require that you move into unknown territory with no guaranteed results, even if the result that you always relied on was one that you didn’t exactly want.

When your life is moving forward, when you are ready to grow and achieve more, have more, live more – don’t allow such a small thing like belief systems to stand in your way. Remember that your mind is just a muscle (albeit a lazy one) and you can train it however you wish to.

It will be trained either unconsciously or with purpose and direction… the choice, as always, is yours.

Word Power

• How has fear stopped you doing or having what you want?
• How often in a day do you listen to your internal critic?
• What voice do you listen to most? The one that says you can’t or the one that says you can?

Forward Movement

Identify 3 main areas in your life that you would like to work with. It can be money, health, relationships, confidence, down-time, sex … try to pick 3 that would really make an immediate difference in your life.

• Write down all the beliefs that you hold for each of your 3 areas. Write without thinking and no judgement, even if your belief seems silly, if you’re writing it down then it is somewhere in your psyche
• Now create new beliefs. Try to work with what you have but by changing the focus, it’s easier for our minds to learn something new if it has a familiar ring to it… so…
  old belief: “I have to work really hard to have it” becomes : “No matter what, I always have it”
• Read your new beliefs to yourself out loud (important to verbalise it) every morning for a week. You can then create a maintenance system for yourself and do it every 2^nd day or whatever works for you.

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Thought to Ponder

Cherish your yesterdays; dream your tomorrows; but live your today’s!
Unknown

Life Moments

I absolutely love the rhythms of the Earth. Every year when summer shows its beautiful self and the world starts to blossom – I am reminded that life carries on – and it always will. I am also reminded how easy it is for us to fall out of the natural cycles in which we live. Summer is a time for renewal – for renewed hope, inspiration and movement. I urge you to use the amazing energy that spring provides us with to start living again.

And by living again I mean embracing life. Embrace the perceived bad and love the good. We are complex beings with many and varied talents – one such talent that is little used is our ability to reinvent ourselves. We can change our minds, change our perception and change our life with just one thought.

Use Mother Nature as a model on which to base your self – grow new leaves, expand yourself taller, forgive the past and allow it to stay in last winter. Try not to resist the changes that you need to make merely for the shelter of a season that will never be again. If you could trust yourself enough to make one successful change, you will be free. And if you need inspiration or courage? Look outside and notice the first flowers that have bravely showed themselves – that allow the rest of the plant to follow.

Forward Movement

• In spring, our inner voices that urge us to take a little risk in life speak much louder, listen to your inner voice and see how you can action or manifest your desire
• Decide to move your body more just like the Southern Hemisphere is starting to move into new life – do what you love; play tennis, go for a walk, swim… commit to doing one activity a week that gets you and your energies moving.
• Now here’s a challenge for everyone who reads Tools 4 Life – each and every day I want you to… smile at a stranger, laugh long and hard, and breathe deep the new air that surrounds you… you’ll be amazed!

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And this year has provided ample amounts of drama. Everything seems to be leaving; money, order, relationships, businesses, ethics. That’s the global meltdown for you, but it has only come to pass because individually we’re all having our own private (and sometimes not) little meltdowns.

We are stuck on roller-coasters with no seatbelts and no emergency stops. As we scream on the downhill we look at our fellow passengers screaming along with us but we’re holding on so tight we can’t reach out. Then we have a short breather as we make our inexorable way back up the hill BUT we can’t really enjoy it because we know it’s just the build up to the next gut-wrenching plummet.

Thank god I have a sense of humor; I have no direction, no sense of truth, no idea really… but a horrible little inner voice that comments constantly in the background of my mind. Mostly I find it quite amusing but right now if I could find the little bugger I would ring its neck. Some things just shouldn’t be laughed at and I classify this year as one of them.

And there goes my happy-self whispering again… wait… no I lost it.

Shit I hope I didn’t hurt it’s feelings, come back positive thinking. Come back ability to delude myself. Hello…? Bugger

… and to think I used to enjoy ridding those damn things with my hands in the air… tch tch

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Looking at my own experience I know that every strength I possess derives from suffering some kind of hardship. Whilst I hated going through it at the time, it has undeniably equipped me with skills and resources. Our entire evolutionary growth has walked hand in hand with suffering, perhaps not close friends but together nonetheless.

So where will the character, the strength, the wisdom, the skills come from if we take away the suffering of others?

Where will our humanity go if we don’t?

I am tormented with finding the truth of this mystery. The long term solution is to reduce the world population by teaching people the wisdom of having fewer children, ensuring that every living person has an excellent education and opportunity for success. But what about the millions of people already living who could not hope to ever reach that?

What about the people, the children who will die if not given a meal? What about the children who cannot have an education because they are too hungry to think and to busy finding food to do homework? By providing for one of their needs are we helping or hindering? But how can we not?

There is no point implementing long term solutions because the needy generation will grow to continue the cycle. But if nothing is done our decline into… inhuman… will increase so rapidly that enabled people will be pulled down as well.

I don’t know what the answer is, all I know is if I do nothing I suffer more so perhaps we don’t need to know the answers to both sides, just a place to start.

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Words can’t express the experience. To witness the courage of these girls to openly speak about their situations, some of which brought tears to the entire hall. To show them that they are not alone in their suffering when before they believed they were. To hear them stand up and thank us for bringing them hope and a way to face the things that they have no power to change. I am completely grateful for the honor.

The school was a government one, which means these kids have parents or some adult who can somewhat afford to send them to school and feed them. Despite this  middle class appearing situation, these atrocities are still going on, and believe me some of the home lives are atrocious. Imagine then the situations found in shanty towns and poorer areas?

How dare we create a world where children have to face these circumstances? How dare we turn a blind eye when children are being beaten, and raped and kicked out until the mother has finished selling her body and sobered up enough to remember her child? It is unacceptable.

If we do nothing we condone it. If we don’t stand up, reach out – help, we condone it. This abuse is happening behind the doors of over 85% of South African homes.

My god. How can we ignore this epidemic? Our very existence rests on the shoulders of how we raise our young. When did we collectively stop taking responsibility for all children? When did we loose the capacity to love outside of ourselves? How can we not recognise the root cause of our global problems?

If you are reading this then I ask you please; do just one thing to help. There are so many ways and I know that you already know of one. This pandemic must be stopped.

Contact me if you would like to sponsor a program in another school and help children to cope queries@iamchangingtheworld.org.za

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It means that intrinsically we trust women more than men.

Which is a strange set of circumstances considering that 99% of our cultures treat women as if they cannot be trusted. Women are not trusted to run businesses, warrant an equal salary and many other items including driving a car and being alone with a man. Of course in different cultures these degrees differ but as a whole this is the sad truth.

And yet women birth men, they raise them, teach them, nurture them. They keep families together and therefore are an integral part of a healthy society. By default women have to be trusted.

The question should then be asked who it is that cannot be trusted – those that cannot trust or those that aren’t trusted? What has happened to our most basic animalistic balance of masculine and feminine that exists throughout the natural world? How did this drastic imbalance come to be and how is it to be reversed?

Because it is a matter of reversal rather than evolution. There was a time when man and woman held equal respect within the family and within the community. Where responsibilities where clearly understood and the word ‘trust’ had not yet been invented as there was no inkling that it could be any other way. The vast problems that our world faces today must find its solution within the core:

Balance. Respect. Trust. Empathy. Harmony

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