Our world makes escaping into a better realm very appealing; our minds offer no fear, no pain, no suffering – all is as it should be.

It’s taken me up to last week (please don’t make me put my years down in numbers!) to accept this truth about myself – while some people see the world through rose-tinted glasses, I don’t see it at all. I was always aware of my illusionary barrier, I just had no idea of how much it ruled me.

I was still caught in the illusion that my fantasies somehow served me, after all my imagination has fueled my vision, ambition, courage, even my identity. I’ll never forget the first time I picked up a fantasy novel – the magnificent DragonLance, filled with wizards and warriors and worlds circled by 3 moons.  Being only 11yr s old I did not know that I had picked up book number 3 in a 9 book series.

This never deterred me as my imagination filled in the previous 2 novels and off I went. It was the start of a long and faithful affair with fantasy.

This year, being inordinately difficult on every level pushed me to finally confront the fact that I had somehow lost the power in my relationship with fantasy and had become a slave. Ignoring what reality was trying to present me with, forgetting that life experienced in imagination can never compare to what reality can give you

My revelations and new found respect for the ignorance of reality-living has gotten me thinking…

Has our imagination evolved with our reasoning minds? Did early man have such a rich world to retreat to when the going got tough?

Has our evolving imagination birthed the depravities that we witness today, or has the depravity of evolving mankind necessitated the need for a fantasy world to escape to?

We retreat from reality because we can’t face the pain around us and within us until even our safe havens are tainted by the shadow that is our current world.

Do we use the power of our imagination to better influence our world in need?

Or do we find the courage to say good-bye to fantasy and face our world eye to eye and change it where it hurts?

Is it worth closing our eyes to see ourselves sailing on the big blue, the wind in our hair and laughter on our faces… when where we sit not one hair has whispered a movement…

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4 Days ago my little boy, Ferris was rushed to the hospital after a 2 week illness. That night he was diagnosed with chronic liver failure prognosis not good. I didn’t cry because I refused to consider a reality where he wasn’t with me. He had a biopsy this morning and still the prognosis isn’t good, I still refuse to believe it. I have friends practising reiki, I have scoured the net for alternative remedies, I have even prayed (strange how we non-religious types tend to fall back on that one).

And through this whole nightmare I can’t help feeling grateful that I am in a position to care for him financially. A while back I was in another animal hospital where a well-off looking couple where pleading with the vet to lower their high bills as they could not afford it. So this is how I see it.

We lack responsibility

We have domesticated trillions of animals and have not protected them. We have domesticated the earth and not respected her. We have domesticated women, children and men and not protected them.

In our blind rush to experience our selves and push our heads above those of others we have turned our eyes to what makes us great – our ability to love.

I know the vast majority of us have to turn a blind eye merely to keep our hearts in tact. But the last month of my life has taught me some profound lessons. I tried to live my life through telling others of a better way of living. I tried to change the world by telling it how wrong it all was. I was also blind. I also got lost in the maelstrom of survival.

But it has always been love. If I can love my pets, if I can love those in my life, if I can expand that love just a little bit to those who I share my world with – I can change it, I can keep my heart open, I don’t have to lift my head above but rather be grateful for those around me.

On the way back from the hospital I saw a young man, probably around 17yrs old, walking the streets barefoot, torn shorts, torn shirt… but with a sense of hope and purpose upon his face. I drove past him and felt sadness. And then I turned around and drove to find him. I gave him R200. His pure joy at the unexpected gift, of the simple act of kindness brought tears to my eyes where the thought of loosing Ferris didn’t.

Because… because that is all there is

I love you my baby, the world will be a poorer place without you so keep me rich

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The mind determines what is possible. The Soul surpasses it

Pilar Coolinta

Life Moments

What stops us from living the life that we want? From doing and having what we believe will fulfil us? Most of the time it is limiting beliefs that we hold about ourselves. Luckily, beliefs are easy to change but first it is necessary to identify which ones you are holding onto – and why.

That’s an interesting question, if your belief around money for example goes something like “I have to work really hard to have it” then believing that will theoretically keep you working really hard with limited gains. If a part of you knows that this isn’t true, as there are thousands of entrepreneurs in the world to prove it false, then why do you still believe it?

It’s simple – it is safer to stay with what you know than it is to venture into the unknown. When you don’t receive the monetary rewards that you would like you can conveniently (and often unconsciously) blame it on the belief – and often the source that the belief may have stemmed from (parents, environment etc). But what if you were to step out of your own box and start to believe something different, something empowering, something that helps you live the life you want?

That would require that you move into unknown territory with no guaranteed results, even if the result that you always relied on was one that you didn’t exactly want.

When your life is moving forward, when you are ready to grow and achieve more, have more, live more – don’t allow such a small thing like belief systems to stand in your way. Remember that your mind is just a muscle (albeit a lazy one) and you can train it however you wish to.

It will be trained either unconsciously or with purpose and direction… the choice, as always, is yours.

Word Power

• How has fear stopped you doing or having what you want?
• How often in a day do you listen to your internal critic?
• What voice do you listen to most? The one that says you can’t or the one that says you can?

Forward Movement

Identify 3 main areas in your life that you would like to work with. It can be money, health, relationships, confidence, down-time, sex … try to pick 3 that would really make an immediate difference in your life.

• Write down all the beliefs that you hold for each of your 3 areas. Write without thinking and no judgement, even if your belief seems silly, if you’re writing it down then it is somewhere in your psyche
• Now create new beliefs. Try to work with what you have but by changing the focus, it’s easier for our minds to learn something new if it has a familiar ring to it… so…
  old belief: “I have to work really hard to have it” becomes : “No matter what, I always have it”
• Read your new beliefs to yourself out loud (important to verbalise it) every morning for a week. You can then create a maintenance system for yourself and do it every 2^nd day or whatever works for you.

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Thought to Ponder

Cherish your yesterdays; dream your tomorrows; but live your today’s!
Unknown

Life Moments

I absolutely love the rhythms of the Earth. Every year when summer shows its beautiful self and the world starts to blossom – I am reminded that life carries on – and it always will. I am also reminded how easy it is for us to fall out of the natural cycles in which we live. Summer is a time for renewal – for renewed hope, inspiration and movement. I urge you to use the amazing energy that spring provides us with to start living again.

And by living again I mean embracing life. Embrace the perceived bad and love the good. We are complex beings with many and varied talents – one such talent that is little used is our ability to reinvent ourselves. We can change our minds, change our perception and change our life with just one thought.

Use Mother Nature as a model on which to base your self – grow new leaves, expand yourself taller, forgive the past and allow it to stay in last winter. Try not to resist the changes that you need to make merely for the shelter of a season that will never be again. If you could trust yourself enough to make one successful change, you will be free. And if you need inspiration or courage? Look outside and notice the first flowers that have bravely showed themselves – that allow the rest of the plant to follow.

Forward Movement

• In spring, our inner voices that urge us to take a little risk in life speak much louder, listen to your inner voice and see how you can action or manifest your desire
• Decide to move your body more just like the Southern Hemisphere is starting to move into new life – do what you love; play tennis, go for a walk, swim… commit to doing one activity a week that gets you and your energies moving.
• Now here’s a challenge for everyone who reads Tools 4 Life – each and every day I want you to… smile at a stranger, laugh long and hard, and breathe deep the new air that surrounds you… you’ll be amazed!

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Looking at my own experience I know that every strength I possess derives from suffering some kind of hardship. Whilst I hated going through it at the time, it has undeniably equipped me with skills and resources. Our entire evolutionary growth has walked hand in hand with suffering, perhaps not close friends but together nonetheless.

So where will the character, the strength, the wisdom, the skills come from if we take away the suffering of others?

Where will our humanity go if we don’t?

I am tormented with finding the truth of this mystery. The long term solution is to reduce the world population by teaching people the wisdom of having fewer children, ensuring that every living person has an excellent education and opportunity for success. But what about the millions of people already living who could not hope to ever reach that?

What about the people, the children who will die if not given a meal? What about the children who cannot have an education because they are too hungry to think and to busy finding food to do homework? By providing for one of their needs are we helping or hindering? But how can we not?

There is no point implementing long term solutions because the needy generation will grow to continue the cycle. But if nothing is done our decline into… inhuman… will increase so rapidly that enabled people will be pulled down as well.

I don’t know what the answer is, all I know is if I do nothing I suffer more so perhaps we don’t need to know the answers to both sides, just a place to start.

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We drive to work and trust that others have the capacity to operate their cars and follow road rules, as we pass them with centimeters to spare travelling at speeds that will kill. We buy our food from the store trusting that those that harvested or prepared it did so without poison. We place a letter in a box and trust that it will arrive where intended (ok most times).

The point is that every day we place our well-being and even our lives with others, people that we have never met and so cannot judge their worth. But we do it, without that trust our society would not function as it does. Do we ever recognise this unspoken dependence on others? Do we ever truly understand that our entire race is a single operating machine that may consist of individuals and yet can only function as a whole?

There are so many varying facts approached from economic, religious, scientific, logical and metaphysical perspectives that all point to the undeniable fact that we are one. The truth is all around us but unfortunately it is as unseen as the wind on a cloudless day.

Social networking, instant communication, global networks are all by-products of our evolution into realising that we are one. They are all making it easier to lower the barriers of the past that kept us in the illusion of ‘each man for himself’. The economic recession has brought home quite strongly the new reality that we must embrace if we are to survive this stage in our evolution.

So.. when next you feel the urge to shout at an assistant or feel irritation at the stranger who passes you, try to remember that in actuality you already trust them with your life, and from that remarkable place it is a short step to respect and kindness.

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I was enjoying it, I was stimulated and soon found myself drifting off into a reality where I could drop off an impossibly high wall backwards, coat flying, hood positioned just so, sword strapped to my back – looking deliciously deadly and competent. This is probably personal preference as I have a well know love of fantasy but so must the majority of the world if our movie genres are anything to go by. And so I started pondering (which I am also well known to do)

Perhaps we are striving for an impossible dream, perhaps in trying for world peace we are in actuality perpetrating violence itself. Perhaps we are meant to be in constant conflict, perhaps survival of the fittest is a natural part of Earth Life and we should accept it rather than change it.

Mayhaps it is our own intelligence that has contributed to our desire to ‘right all wrongs’. Because the human race cannot exist without categorising every action into right or wrong. Do lions have a crisis of faith when attacking a rival or eating a deer? Does any in the animal kingdom?

One of the greatest causes of mass self-loathing, religious hatred and societal wrongs is something called the ‘shadow self’. It is essentially a part of ourselves (either individually or collectively) that we have judged to be wrong and therefore try to deny it even exists. All of these little naughties are suppressed deep within us and deep within society, until they fight their way to the light of day in a moment of weakness or copious alcohol.

Perhaps our inherent violence is one of these suppressed items? Perhaps if we allowed it a place in our society it would not be so powerful? Perhaps it must first come into the light before it can be part of it?

But then again, in seeking to rise above such base instincts is that not the definition of humanity itself?

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I am normally taken back to hear the average person discuss spirituality and the origins of man, I hate to admit it but my private reaction is usually something like “wow, people are actually open to this” or “shit I’m not alone” or “maybe it is ok for me to speak more openly”… you get the idea.

Anyway I have decided to start sharing my knowledge now perhaps because I feel it is safe to do so (how noble of me) or maybe just because I’m in a crap space and quite honestly just want to do something … me.

So without further ado here is my theory on the big question… who are we?

I believe this. We are pieces of energy (or souls) that derives from one bigger piece of energy, or in other words there is only one substance that exists in the universe and that is light energy (or photon). This energy is… well… nothing. It is timeless, shapeless, measureless… just nothing… except pure quantum consciousness.

When this energy is formed (or chooses to form) into matter it becomes subject to time, retains shape and can be measured, but it is still subject to quantum rules and regulations. All this sounds very scientific so to describe this in another way. All that exists in this entire universe is energy, that energy is formed into a physical body which lives in a physical world and we call this process incarnation – or human life.

The reason I say that although this conscious energy has now shaped itself into a measurable and material form it is still subject to quantum rules is because – if the pure energy is quantum (meaning it retains all possibilities and can only be measured once related to something else) then it doesn’t matter that it is now material the ingredient itself is unchanged.

How this translates is that our physical bodies, our experiences, our thoughts, our reactions – our everything is also quantum and can only be formed (or individuated) once in relation to another thing. That’s the basic understanding, here is the next level:

We are ‘created’ of a physical body, a mental body and a spiritual body. Or. Our pure conscious energy retained in original form which we call our souls. Our conscious energy formed into matter which we call body’s, and our conscious energy that communicates between the two which we call our minds. We have forgotten that not only are our individual parts all one, we are actually all one with each other as we are all made from the same substance or consciousness.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. Our human selves experience life as we know it because we have made a portion of our energy physical however it starts off life in a quantum state – or blank slate if you will.

And this is the glorious mother of all you know what. Our physical bodies reacted to the physical environment and changed, adapted, left it’s quantum state and began to form it’s own level of consciousness separate from the original pure source. Learned people call this survival instinct. Basically, our physical selves quite liked being physical and wanted to remain that way.

Then it was the turn of our minds. Our mental energy also left its quantum state and adapted and shaped around the physical realm. Except it did not fare so well. Our mental energy not only had to adapt in its own way, it also had to relate to the adapted physical body as well as loosing the direct link with it’s pure conscious energy state as.. well there was a lot of adapting to adapt to.

So our bodies became quite comfortable in their physical state as all it had to do was: eat, sleep, procreate and escape from hungry predators. Nothing much to worry about.

Our minds had to keep up with this drastic and sudden separate physical consciousness that was pretty basic in its needs whilst trying to communicate the vastness of pure conscious energy to it. Unfortunately after a few million years it has still not managed to do so.

Fast forward to modern man.

Who? What? Why are we here? Who am I? Why are we the only intelligent lifeforms on this planet? Is there anyone out there? Are we alone? Hello…?

You see our confusion is nothing more than our physical consciousness over-riding the original consciousness of omnipotent purity from whence we came.

But the really funny thing is this; because as previously stated we are at the end of the day one ‘substance’  a memory of this origin or truth was still retained within our physical and mental selves. But it was lost in translation, seriously and horribly misinterpreted.

And then there was God, and the Devil, and sin, and someone ‘up there’, and religion, and fear, and war, and separation, and gender inequality, and racial inequality and much confusion and much hatred. And so human life evolved.

We have entered a time now when our physical consciousness is beginning to balance itself with our original pure consciousness and we call this ‘Spirituality’ or the ‘Age of Aquarius’. This new faith spews wisdom along the lines of karma, having to learn lessons, soul purpose and all the other things we tell ourselves to feel alive and sell books.

Actually we are just still in a quantum state, still filled with every possibility and still adapting constantly to everyone else and everything else. Yes evolution or spirituality can call this growth, but really we are just a little more down the process of living our pure quantum selves in a state that changes quantum purity. I can’t even say that in actuality because that denotes ‘time’ and time doesn’t really exist.

Anyway… the point is that we have made a very serious experience out of one that was intended to be a joyous experience of physicality. And yes we are a bit trapped in this cycle of adaptation and re-shaping and confusion and horrible repercussions thereof like economies and countries and careers and relationships and marketing and shopping malls and crime and…

And that is Earth according to me, or some of it at least.

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It started Sunday night. I have recently moved, in fact Sunday was to be my first sleep in my new house. I was hanging up curtains which I was thinking were quite spiffy when: I placed my foot on a rather small and circular poof (disappointingly small for good story telling). I was obviously over-zealous in my delivery as the next thing I knew I was on the rolled up carpet (luckily it had not been unrolled yet) experiencing the most excruciating pain I can describe.

I must share my thoughts: ok the first one started with an ‘f’, ok so did the second one, but the third pondered how it was possible to hurt myself when I was a yoga and pilates addict and so should have excellent balance and Herculean muscle strength.  The fourth thought was one of horror. You see I am about to turn 30 and while I know it is just a number, I think the whole ‘just a number’ thing only kicks in at 31 because lets face it – leaving your 20′s (forever!) is… horrifying. Was this injury the start of many as I ungracefully slide into old(ish) age?

I decided to do what I always do and revert back to my belief that I am invincible. I stood up, I fell down. Clearly the invincibility fairy leaves you when you are 29 years and 9 months old. It seems my evil new curtains had torn my ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) in my knee.

Ha? How the hell did that happen? Surgery? What? 3 months recovery? No gym, cycling, boarding, walking, dancing? How do I keep myself from thinking? What?

However, this was not enough to keep my admittedly strong spirit down. Life continues. Until Monday.

I returned to my new home, hobbling up the stairs and ready to give it all another shot. I lit some candles, played my favorite music and ran a bath. I walked back into the bathroom wondering why I wasn’t seeing any comforting steam on the mirrors. I felt the water; it was the temperature of the antarctic. I had forgotten to switch on the geyser. I splashed about 10% of my body and gave it up for a bad cause.

Tuesday: Round three with my home-making abilities. I was looking forward to a piping hot bath as I had personally re-checked the DB board 3 times. I ran the bath and yes it was hot. I then went downstairs to make myself my first meal to discover… I had no can-opener and for some reason the only edible food I had was hiding behind an impregnable wall of steel.

To backtrack quickly: I have been working 7 day weeks since January and I promised myself that this fateful week would see me settling into my new home and taking a breather, to reach this decision you must know that I was already teetering at the end of my emotional and mental endurance. Which is why you must understand how the lack of a can-opener reduced me to inconsolable tears. I admit my mother received a phone-call and I received home cooked take-out.

Wednesday: The obstacles had been over-come, I had bought all the missing items I needed, I had hot water and working lights AND fresh food in my fridge. I was now ready to give up on my short holiday and get back into my life. This was inaugurated with a quick blow-dry.

I had made a little stool out of cushions on the floor in front of my mirror so that my knee could be in the right position. I had music playing, the birds were joining in, I had recently enjoyed a hot shower and was soon to have great hair. Until I looked down. My hair-dryer had melted (yes I do mean melted) the carpet.

In the spirit of ‘taking time off’ I had decided to rent my house rather than have the hassle that being a home-owner brings so I must now replace this darling carpet – but wait – the carpet is one panel that includes two bedrooms and an entire staircase. Lovely.

Nevertheless – I shall continue.

Thursday: I will not wait for a male friend to help me hang up my various items. No. I will do it myself because I am capable despite not being able to stand on my right leg. Also I have an excellent memory and so when I remembered to stick a packet under the drill to reduce clean-up I was most proud of myself. Unfortunately the tape I used should not have been used and when I removed the packet I also removed half the plaster.

I hung the blinds over the hole. Problem solved because quite honestly by this stage I couldn’t care.

Just writing all this down is depressing me so I will quickly go through the rest; BMW gouged out a hole in my door panel that Moses would have been jealous of, and refused to take responsibility (perhaps because I told the manager what he could do with my car). I gave up on my wireless internet and went to buy a HSDPA to find out that there is zero coverage where I live.

I chose my unit during daylight hours because it was the most private and had one of the few full grown trees, at night I have the pleasure of a strobe light pointed directly into my bedroom door and so I must choose between: sleep-deprivation via suffocation or via blindness.

The seriously sexy white suede blinds I bought for my bedroom are utterly useless for their actual purpose. There is only network coverage in certain key points of my new house and so telephone calls have to be carefully planned. I eventually got internet to work but only when I am sitting in the far corner of the lounge.

The rails that I bought for my lounge curtains actually don’t work because the rings on the curtains won’t slide, but the rails will remain because installing them broke my knee.

Life is peachy. And just to end off my week we had a death in the family.

Before you feel sad for me I must say this; we truly are marvelous creatures. That was one shitty little week, we have lifetimes of this crap and still we find it in ourselves to smile, to have hope, to carry on, to fall in love, to create beauty, to just… get up again. I think that is pretty damn cool.

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I believe that our society reflects the combined freedom or slavery of every individual, which is a horrifying thought. Lets face it our world is pretty screwed up. So theoretically there is a severe lack of personal freedom being expressed.

So what inhibits freedom?

Indoctrination, religion, culture… the list would be quite long. I think we can track the most unhealthy aspects of our society straight back to how we view each item – like sex. Sex is still a taboo area with varying degrees of limitations firmly in place. Would we have such high cases of abuse, rape and violence if this wasn’t the case?

Would we have such high poverty, homelessness and unemployment statistics if individuals had the resources and courage to follow their dreams and aspirations? But here is another angle… Are we capable of being truly free? Would anarchy ensue?

Has our society developed around the need to prevent chaos by limiting individual freedom or has our inability to embrace freedom spawned our society?

Very philosophical tonight, but a worthy subject to think on I think. One last thought: If my viewpoints on freedom keeps changing have I ever truly experienced it?

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What is this? Have we merely evolved from a fear based consciousness towards a bit of a more accommodating one (I won’t say a love based mindset as we’re a bit far from there)? Or has the forced move from materialsim to surviving iniatiated this re-evaluating of principles and values?

I don’t think the reason matters what is important are the results. I have a large amount of hope for our world and for ourselves and despite the enormous challenges we are facing we seem to be pulling together and finding solutions.

HOWEVER (and that is in caps for a reason)

Polarity is a bit of a difficult one. That we live in a world of duality and therefore polarity is fairly common knowledge. So perhaps another factor to consider in is that we haven’t really evolved but merely responding to the need for balance. If we destroy eachother and our planet on the one side then by the laws of the universe we must also save eachother and the planet on the opposite side.

I believe there is some truth in the latter so now the question begs to be asked: are we capable of leaving the restrictions of duality? Would it be possible to create a utopia? Perhaps not just yet but… possible

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And still this is how we run our countries? Democracy is a bit of a farce when we base our hopes on one individual who by the very nature of the system itself that individual has had to work the system in order to ascend to that position. So what would the alternatives be?

My suggestions are a group of at least 5 people who hold the post of ‘president’. Obviously this would help reduce poor decisions and dictator behaviour. Other benefits I can think of is that the five would be chosen to represent different aspects of human psyches as well as society namely humanitarian, economical, political, social and possibly parental.

For a president to reach the pinnicle they would have to be talented granted, but no 1 person could ever have the full balance or experience required to make truly wise and altruistic decisions. By having a representation of both genders and more than one culture, and of course different life philosophies and talents – we could possibly begin to imagine an effective government that is truly for the people by the people. Reduction of corruption (no rhyme intended) would also be a benefit.

Drawbacks? The time it would take to make a decision, stand-offs, fractions… all things that are in place already so I guess we would have nothing to loose by trying it.

Oh… and some measures… total financial transparency to all citizens of any government official’s bank balance.

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